I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
