dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
