FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
