Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
