What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
