So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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