Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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