So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were trust falling into bushes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
