he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
