yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
