they need to just BURY HIM!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
