I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
