good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
