well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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