Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
