I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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