Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
