so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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