I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
