who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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