you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
