I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
how does that bad decision feel?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
