Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
