Soap is not a condiment
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
