someone owes me an orgasm
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
