I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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