Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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