I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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