Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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