I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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