Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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