when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
