Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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