I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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