someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
