I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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