I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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