it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
