Your tits are I can't wait for
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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