is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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