You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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