omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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