I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
