ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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