I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
