You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
