everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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