his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
