My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
