You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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